Saturday, September 11, 2010

The D Word

And it's not divorce.


I don't know about you, but I get scared and sad just typing it.

I THOUGHT one of the best parts about coming to Hawaii was that B's new battalion didn't deploy that often. I mean, I know it's the Marine Corps, so I know he can go at any time, but seriously, I'd heard both before and after we got here that the battalion just doesn't go that often. Except...a bunch of guys from the new unit are getting ready to leave. Ok, I can handle that, because B is not one of them. And since the unit doesn't go very often, we should be fine.

And then we were going for a walk the other night and out of nowhere *(and I mean that in the sense that we weren't talking about deployment, or the battalion, the war, or even the Marine Corps!)* B says he's already itching to get back over there.


There goes the happy idea of having him home for more than a year. Though, as he points out, as of August, he has, in fact, been home a year, so what's the big deal. Oh honey.

Here's the thing though.

Although my heart drops at the thought of him leaving, and I get upset about him being gone, especially to go to Afghanistan, and I get sick thinking about Bug having to endure a THIRD deployment before her fifth birthday, and nervous about being this far from home and having to do this TOTALLY alone...

My biggest concern is that I am still anxious about night time. Not in an, 'Oh baby, I can't sleep with out you,' way, but an 'I heard a noise; go check it out' way. I am still not used to living in the housing situation we are in, and I hear EVERYTHING. I mean, the neighbors pee, I hear it, I wake up, and am convinced someone is in our house. It's bad. When my big bad Marine husband is next to me, that is his job.

It's not one I want to do.

Is it bad that that was seriously my first thought? Is it wrong that that is still my main concern?

CLEARLY I don't want him to go, but I think growing up the way I did, I understand that he has to. I knew that when I married the man, it's pointless to fight and whine. We are a country at war; the Marines will be there. Therefore, my husband will be there. So I TRY to not waste time bothering with that.

I'm not heartless; I was THRILLED with the idea of three whole years with my husband. I guess I should get over that idea, eh?

Although, you know, listening to him right now cursing at Call of Duty *(...I think)*, maybe deployments have their upside. ;)

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